Recently I have been exploring my capabilities of changing my life. I am not happy with my life. This is no secret. Everything from work, education, personal achievement has not been going to plan.
I’ve explored options for a change in careers. My job satisfaction level hasn’t been there for years. I’ve been with Stream Global Services for 3 years now, and I’m a level 2 support professional. This isn’t a bad job. I can live my life on the pay, I work with enjoyable (mostly) people. It just gets a little repetitive. I get asked the same questions all the time, just in different ways to where it doesn’t make sense to the one that asks the question. I get asked to do a job with minimal supervision and guidance, which is great, but with minimal tools not built for the position, but those that supervise the position. This position doesn’t make me think I affect much in the life of others, just that I enforce the will of others on those that don’t want it. As a purely customer service position, it’s not even my field of desire.
To correct this, I’ve applied at a more technical position, directly working for the company instead of an outsourcer. I don’t want to give too much away, because I don’t want to jinx it or ruin my options. They make TV’s, tablets, routers, PC’s and other electronics. I will be doing technical support, frontline again. I’m not a fan of returning to the bottom of the food chain again, but what else is there? I have no degree or formal education of sorts on anything. I might as well ask “Have you turned it off and on” 50 times a day.
To fix another part of my chosen career path, I’ve applied at University of Nebraska – Omaha. I’ve been accepted, but I realize the courses and major I want aren’t going to be able to be done online. So now I have to move down there if I want to do that. On top of that, based on the SAR’s report from FAFSA, I may not get financial aid. Let’s also add the fact that I’m married and in order to move I would have to be able to help out on the bills.
For those that might know me, you probably are aware that my marriage isn’t going so great. I wont get into it, as I don’t deem it a public spectacle. That is one area that requires improvement for me to attain the happiness I want.
Part of my marriage failing or failed is probably my mental health. I’ve debated getting some help, but largely I don’t believe that I should have to have help. I’m grown, I’m more stable than most. I’m not sure what to think here.
Physical health is also playing a role. I’ve 25 years old. Not only should I be further in life, recently I’ve been feeling old. Back hurting, minor aches and pains and things like that. Largely my teeth are causing the pain in my head, radiating the pain through my brain and upper back regions. My knee’s have been hurting from all the stairs and walking at work. I’m not that old, I shouldn’t feel like this. But then there’s the money problem, which probably ties into ALL of this.
It’s no secret to anyone that I have absolutely no money sense. My wife has more than me, but I can be convincing in trying to get things I want, which throws the wrenches in her plans too. I’ve been feeling the “Have vs Have Nots” battle the worse these days than I can remember. My lack of happiness puts me in a desire to be happy through material objects and frankly, that’s expensive. My hobbies are not cheap. I like computers, electronic gadgets, games and so on. What’s worse is my exploration of other hobbies are even more expensive. I’m hearing of people being able to take trips to Russia, Ireland, Sweden or even in-country trips like to California and so on. I can’t even afford to really go to Omaha. Why not? I have few committed expenses. Rent, electricity, water and so on is all. Where am I losing all my money to where these people are getting it? A combination, I’m sure, of my habits, desires and lack of discipline. Changing all that, however, is too much work for me to even desire to start. Anyone that knows me will tell you getting me to start something is the hardest part. Once I’m started, don’t interrupt me, because I’ll never finish.
Well, I guess I should end this whining session. Self reflection is great… I guess.